first off, let's look at what an urge is. my therapist gave me a sheet with a lovely diagram on it that i could not find duplicated on the internet, so i have drawn it in ms paint. (lol can you believe i used to be an award winning artist?) here:
we're at baseline when we're doing okay. we have no urges and nothing is triggering us at the moment.
but then along comes a nasty trigger. what this is varies depending on the person. maybe you got into a fight, you are stressed about school, you are having flashbacks, etc. from the trigger comes an urge. you are in a really uncomfortable mind space and you want some relief, which is understandable. how do you get rid of the awful feeling? how do you cope? well, lots of us use eating disorder behaviors, but then we learn that it is really hazardous to our mental and physical health, and that it's really not helping us with our problems. it's just allowing us to avoid them.
still, there's that icky urge to deal with. the great thing about an urge is that it is ALWAYS temporary. your urge is going to build until you have to make a choice: what you're going to do about it. regardless of what you choose, the urge will go away. it is simply a matter of time. how you spend that time is up to you: you can choose the ED or something else healthier. in the end, the effect doesn't matter because the urge will leave. it is very hard to resist ED urges at times, but you can do it. just trust that 1.) the urge will go away soon, 2.) you just need to pass the time until you feel better.
here are two ways to pass the time when you have an urge:
make a coping bank.
turn to your crisis survival kit.
1.) make a coping bank.
1a.) choose a container, either a disposable plastic ziploc container, tupperware container, or even a paper bag.
1b.) you may choose to decorate the outside of your container with affirmations or motivating pictures.
1c.) on small slips of paper, write as many activities as you can think of. try to get at least 100. you may use the handouts provided for ideas (e.g. call a friend, give myself a manicure, leave the house for a drive without money or credit cards.)
1d.) fold up the pieces of paper and place them in your container or "coping bank."
1e.)whenever you have an urge to act on an eating disordered behavior, reach in and grab 3 slips of paper. you must do two before engaging in the behavior.
- most people find that after completing the second activity that their urge has passed.
- if after completing the second activity the urge is still strong, you may either use your crisis survival kit or go ahead and act on it.
1f.) after you are finished, complete the questions on the urge surfing curve and keep track of your answers to be able to identify emerging patterns.
2.) turn to your crisis survival kit.
unfortunately i cannot find the paper with the instructions. basically, your kit will have motivational pictures and other things to ground you, emotionally and physically- it can contain things you hear, see, smell, feel, and taste. you may put in a CD, pictures of yourself as a child/healthy adult, a candle, a stress ball to squeeze, and something to taste, like mints.
what happens after the urge has gone?
well, it's a good idea to answer the urge surfing questions. they will really help you identify your triggers. even though we know our triggers sometimes, there are often people, places, emotions, etc. that trigger us subconsciously. if you answer these questions after your urges, you may notice some patterns that emerge to help you see what's going on that is distressing you.
urge surfing questions:
reflect over the past 24 hours and answer the following questions:
1.) has anything upsetting happened? if so, what? who was involved?
2.) who have i spent time with?
3.) what emotions did i experience? was there a predominant emotion?
4.) where have i spent my time?
5.) what kinds of thoughts occupied my mind?
6.) did i have any flashbacks or memories?
to sum up...
ED urges are temporary, and you can choose how you spend your time during an urge.
coping mechanisms like the ones i spoke of have shown to work as effectively as ED behaviors.
grounding yourself and distracting yourself in healthy ways will help an urge pass.
there may be things in your life triggering you that you don't know about.
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